Watts (generated)

To start with, I don't think the image I included with this post has been 'shopped. I think somebody decided to run a Tesla coil in the middle of their... living room? Workspace? Kitchen? Who knows. I'm certainly not a scientist by any means, so we're well outside my comfort zone when talking about things like the laws of physics, energy and thermodynamics. That being said, shouldn't we be a little concerned about starting something on fire, as in the image above? That is pure energy, and it's tickling the stucco, for crying out loud. Maybe my understanding of lightning and raw electricity has been tainted by too many supernatural movies, television programs and graphic novels, but I'm half expecting everything to burst into flames moments after this picture was taken.

So today's challenge, or query, or topic, is if I wanted to generate 1000 watts of energy instead of writing 1000 words, how would I go about doing so? Let's get to it.

The easiest way to create something from nothing is to follow the ways of those who have come before me, and they generated watts the same way their parents and grandparents and great-grandparents generated watts, with old fashioned hard work, the proper application of elbow grease, and a gas powered generator. For a few gallons of gas (which has gone up to $1.799 per gallon) would generate 1000 watts every 15.2 hours. While I like the relative ease with which I am able to meet quota (with time to spar, nearly 8 hours) it doesn't require much on my end. Generators are kind of like the ultimate in end point delegation. I fill the dutiful little machine with gas, I throw a switch, and the generator does the rest of the work. That's not the most interesting thing I could do with my time, sitting there, 15 hours a day, watching it generate. I also don't so much like the application of fossil fuels. We're living in a greener age, with even Detroit scrambling to put together a new business model, one moving away from oil dependence and toward electric cars.

It is possible to construct a home made solar panel, using a George Foreman grill ($19.95 retail), a length of copper tubing ($15 per five inches, and with twenty-five inches needed, that's $75, tax not included) a sheet of aluminum foil ($3.99 for two hundred square feet, or roughly $0.02 per sheet required), a storage device made of clay and metal brackets (those aren't cheap, at least $100 per) and sunlight (priceless). Unfortunately, even on the sunniest days of summer, such a Macguyver would only collect about 67.865 watts in per day. This will not meet quota. I would need at least 15 such contraptions to come close to generate my 1000 watts in a day, and more so on the shorter day lit hours of the winter. That's a baseline price of $1,594.95, which is kind of a waste of money. At these prices, I'd have to sell each watt back to the market at $1.60 per just to break even. Granted, there's a bit of a mark up there, but we'll keep that between us. In all likelihood, I doubt I'd be able to sell any of my watts at any price since the market isn't built for that.

There are also methods of constructing one's very own wind turbine. What's nice about this one is the relative flexibility one has with the choice of materials. While steel is preferable for strength and durability, it is not required. Steel is, after all, quite an expensive aggregate metal. You do get what you pay for. However, steel, for as light as it is, doesn't respond well to wind power and the turbines would move at a fraction of the speed they would normally move if made of a different substance. If planning to do this on the super cheap, it is possible to construct wind turbines with flyswatters and spatulas. While these collect a lot of wind energy, they don't convert as nicely. For the steel windmill, you'd get one (1) watt of energy for every 36 rotations, whereas the slumdog variety (sorry, just saw that movie and the jargon has infused to my lexicon with aplomb and vigor) would only score one (1) watt of energy ever 99 rotations. The discrepancies in efficiency should be obvious, yet they are compounded by number of rotations per minute. The steel windmill only makes four (4) rotations per minute in light wind and twenty (20) rotations per minute in heavy. The slumdog windmill, on the other hand, makes eighty (80) rotations per minute in light wind and none (0) in heavy wind because it usually gets blown off its foundations. Thus, the steel homemade would generate 1000 watts ever 20 hours, give or take, if the wind keeps up. The spatula and flyswatter edition would do the same in 13 hours, if the wind doesn't pick up speed. If only I could construct a kind of transformer-style windmill, where the insides were made of crap, like flyswatters and spatulas, but which an optional steel armor that folds out during heavy winds....

No, I suppose the most efficient way for me to meet quota would be the proper application of wool socks, shag carpet, maybe a few balloons and metal door handles. Just by walking around, I can generate 120 watts of energy (enough for a spark) every forty-five (45) minutes, sufficed that I'm walking at a consistent speed, without lifting my feet, and moving in a counterclockwise direction (no one knows why clockwise never works. There was a famous study on this back in the 70s and everything.) It would take approximately 7.5 hours to generate 1000 watts of electricity, or roughly, one full shirt at the job, less my half hour (non paid) lunch and two (paid) 15 minute breaks.

Without somewhere to store it all, unfortunately, I am more likely to zap random passersby.