Magnets (a prank)

The thing about the phrase "true story" is, the two words next to each other, it's kind of a contradiction. By definition, a story cannot be "true" and something true cannot, at that same time, be a story. I'm not sure if the true part taints the story or the story part taints the truth, but taint has occurred one way or the other.

That being said, here's a true story.

A few years back, there was a great debate in this country, and it while it concerned the war, it certainly wasn't about the war itself or our country's reasons for going. By this point in recent history, a lot of people (or so it seemed at the time) had resigned themselves to fact that the war was going to happen, no way around, no dissenting opinion would be articulated well enough on the floors of Congress to change the course of that dark vessel, the dark ship of our country. No, the debate was merely a matter of whether or not you, as a citizen, were willing to support our troops.

Rhetorically, our collective answer was (more or less) a unanimous one. Clearly the soldiers doing the fighting and dying, the brave men and women who took an oath to defend this country with their very lives, they are brothers and sons, mothers and daughters, fathers put into harm's way and they needed us to believe in them and their purpose (whether or not they were actually defending the country or merely extended the birth of the this country's influence in that region of the world is a line of distinction better left to another blog, or at least, a future post) so support them we did. Thoughts and prayers, and a general population wide silence coming from those who would oppose these actions (with a few peace loving, patchouli reeking, protest marching exceptions). Even if the war was wrong (as future history texts may point out someday) the troops are American lives and we wanted them to come home quickly and safely.

But it wasn't enough to conquer hearts and minds in this battle. Like it's not enough to support a political candidate with your vote and it's not enough to have a student on the honor roll and it's not enough to have accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior (or, on the flip side, it's not enough consider Jesus and his teachings a complete work of fiction) thus have the car magnets permeating the commuter culture. Oh, there was a time long ago when anything stuck to the back of your car or truck or SUV had to be literally stuck there, as in, for life, as in, in trying to remove said decoration would require a body shop or a whole new tail section. But magnets lack that kind of permanence, and even if you supported our troops from the get-go, you could now advertise your support for as long as the electrons were being shared between your car, or truck, or SUV and the support our troops yellow ribbon magnet affixed to it.

Enter a man, who we'll call "Frank" for the sake of anonymity, and his ingenious prank to circumvent your intentions. Frank goes to the nearest print shop and orders 1000 yellow ribbon magnets, he applies the same font size, style and placement as "Support Our Troops" and has the magnet makers print all his magnets with the phrase "Support Gay Marriage." (Frank is not gay, but he likes rainbows and is generally supportive of any rights movement.)

A "Support Our Troops" magnet generally runs $1.25 per, minus shipping and handling, at a markup from the cost of production of about 75% for orders over 10,000, meaning the creation of the initial sticker was only $0.38 per unit. Frank did not get such a deal, as he only printed 1000 "Support Gay Marriage" yellow ribbon magnets. He ended up paying $0.63 per ribbon magnet, for a total price of $630 dollars, less the cost of shipping and handling (where he did manage a deal, at only $5 per pound, the cost of shipping rang up to $133.34 for a total price, out of pocket of $763.34.

Frank then ventured out into the city, armed with at least 25 stickers a day, and found cars with yellow ribbon magnets which bore the instruction "Support Our Troops" with his own creation. He made it a point to select only the "Support Our Troops" logos which matched the font he selected, and would use the left over residue in the negative space to place his own magnets. Some days, Frank only found a few that could be replaced without raising suspicion, but others, like days when he wandered parking ramps in downtown or the lots outside a mall, he would need to go home and get more magnets. This process took him months, and he ended up enlisting friends and cohorts, myself included.

As a crowning achievement for his project, he turned around and sold the "Support Our Troops" magnets on eBay, marking them up to $2.50 per unit, minus shipping and handling, including the slogan, "more genuine then you'll ever know." After selling the last of the stolen ribbons, Frank possessed a net profit of $1,736.66, almost three times the amount of his initial investment in the product. Altruist that he is, Frank donated that money to a local gay rights lobby (which recouped by the tax write off.)

To date, I often let my leer linger on yellow ribbon magnets, wondering if they were victims of Frank's prank. I wonder how many days the "Support Gay Marriage" sticker supported gay marriage without the driver's authority or consent. I wonder about those owners, who no doubt eventually saw they'd been had. I wonder what they did with the sticker when they noticed it circumventing their intentions.

I also wonder what Frank's next prank will be, and if I'll be participant or victim.